I Just Want It

I started this online dating stuff as a joke. I never believed in a million years that I would find anyone on an app, it was just that, a joke. But I was wrong.

I am not sure exactly how soon, but like the day after I joined the apps I matched with this guy. On bumble I messaged everyone I matched with cause why not. Most of the conversations were over in no time, but this guy kept coming back. We talked about really stupid things like cats and dogs for a few days. His pictures didn’t really show his face, his bio made him seem fun, so I kept replying and he, for whatever reason did too. Then one night we got a little more deep. He asked what I found most interesting about myself so I talked about my time in Haiti. He then told me about his time in Nepal and that he hiked Mount Everest. I was thinking yeah right on this, but it intrigued me. I felt like this guy I met on an app, who I talked about dogs and cats with for days, might be someone worth a little more of my time.

At that time I was getting ready to head to Disney. We exchanged numbers and kept talking. I was a moody bitch and freaked out about a lot of shit I now look back on and think what the fuck was your problem? He put up with me sexting him while I was drunk in Disney. Then I came back and then his parents came here and stayed until July. Now we had some very bad arguments, threatened to stop talking, but yet there we were still talking.

We eventually got together and went for a hike. It was 90 something and extreme humidity, but we hiked. We had just had a BAD fight a few days prior so it was really awkward. We then almost didn’t see each other again, but we eventually did. We hung out at his house, still a little awkward, that was a Thursday. He said it was only because he was a nice guy. No one is that nice. I saw him again the next Tuesday and then that Thursday. I am also seeing him today.

The thing that sucks is that I see what we could be, and he says he doesn’t. He admits our only problem is the moody bullshit. As mentioned previously, I have just started birth control and I am now doing so much better. Anyways, it sucks and I don’t believe him. His body language says otherwise, such as his pupils dilate every time he looks at me. He will be so fun and sweet, but then the next second I kinda a douche and says it is because he is being distant so I don’t get the wrong idea and doesn’t want to hurt me. I honestly believe he doesn’t want to get hurt. He talked about all his previous relationships. He dated the same girl all through high school, then had a different girlfriend each year of college, all of which ended during the summers. He also has dated 3 traveling OT’s. Obviously, all these relationships were going to probably each from the beginning. He also started that they all didn’t end badly, but one broke up with him to create some lifetime movie fantasy, another cheated and the travelling OT’s got jobs in other states and left, which is expected. Then he said that I am not into him for him, rather it is an attraction because he has a good job, a house, etc. He also over thinks things and tried to be too non emotional. Normally I would be done with this shit, but I have this strong feeling that he isn’t being an asshole, I do believe he is scared of being hurt. Things went a little south last time we saw each other and he felt bad and told me he cared about me a lot and hoped I would keep hanging out. Then the next day he texted me that he was starting to see that maybe we would work. I doubt this came from the day before because I barely talked.

I feel I am pretty good at reading people and I really don’t think I am wrong here. I knew crazy ex and fire crotch were bad ideas and not really for me from the start, I just took those paths anyways. I don’t get this feeling with him. I honestly wish he would get on the same page because I do feel that he may be the one for me.


Just A Week

I can’t sleep. Some of it is from the coffee I drank today, a large part is from the fact my surgery is next week. It feels weird to say that. It’s been planned for months, and now it’s just next week.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was having second thoughts. I’m obviously going to go through with it, but I’m nervous. I’ve had this problem for 18 years and I’ve tried everything. This is kinda my last hope. There’s an 85% chance of it working. This is high, but at the same time I wish it was higher. If it doesn’t I’ll be stuck with having cortisone injections that kinda help, maybe more physical therapy, with the eventual hip replacement. I’d rather avoid that.

On the other hand, everything might be better. That’s the part that’s making me emotional and I hate it. I may finally be able to walk long distances, hike, run, kayak, swim, basically everything without paying for it for days later or having to stop repeatedly because I’m in pain. I may actually get to be “normal”. Maybe I’ll even be able to finally ride a bike (because of walking weird I have weaker muscles on that side so my balance is off so one thing I can’t do is not fall over on a bike).

I know most people think I’m a baby and that I can suck it up, but I have. I have tried to live with it, but it’s just getting worse.

Also, recovery is going to suck. At least 2 months of not standing for more than a half hour? I’d rather not. But that’s going to be my reality. Having my feet tied up at night? Yup. Apparently having a numb crotch for a few days and not being able to pee? What have I gotten myself into…..

Let’s Get Personal

In my search to be more eco friendly I have switched to using a diva cup. I have only used it during one period, but what a time. Firstly, it isn’t easy to put in at first, but not as hard as I thought it would be. At first it was very uncomfortable up in there, but after an hour it was better. This happened after the first few insertions.

The little thing that is meant to help pull it out is basically useless, it is much easier to grab the bottom of the cup and pull it out that way. However, it can be a bit slippery, so the first morning that little guy slipped out of my fingers and it fell in the toilet. I disinfected it with boiling water and all that and continued on this journey.

I am shocked with how great it worked. No spillage, when I wiped there was a little something sometimes, but that was it.

On the last day, I almost couldn’t get it out. I am not sure exactly what happened, but  I couldn’t get a hold of it. After a slight panic, many different positions, and about 10 minutes, I got it out.

I would recommend a diva cup to anyone. It receive a 10/10 from me.


Hold On Cowboy

Human Carpet has certainly stepped it up, but not in a good way. There are some parts on a man’s body that I can really do without seeing….especially an up close video of it.

Yes I am talking about his taint.

I know you are asking yourself, and yes, the back does match the front. His back and ass are just as hairy as his chest and all the rest. Oddly, he lacks hair around his areolas.

Honestly it is a lot to take in.