As if having my back and neck issues hadn’t killed my summer enough, my grandmothers pacemaker has decided to die. Well, not completely yet. In a matter of days it went from being good for 4 months to it’s going to die in one month. Then of course she has to wait and get it changed, but her doctor is going to be on vacation. Thankfully she can go somewhere else and get it done sooner since by the time her doctor could do it would leave her 1 week before it would die completely. Did I add she absolutely needs it to live because she has no an node? So for now, I’m staying her. I’ve watered and weeded her garden while she sat in the shade and watched me. Cut her hair. Worked on her crafts for her churches craft fair. And there’s more to come. I can see why she’s tired all the time, she’s always doing something.
So the guy now wants to know if we should make “us” official. NO. Yes we’ve known each other a few years now, yes we’ve spent a lot of time together, but NO. We’ve only admitted how we really felt about each other a couple weeks ago and I already don’t like how this is going. I even told him I’m moving in a year, it still didn’t do anything. Yes he’s older so he’s getting ready to settle down, but I’m 22 and just getting started.
I should add that I did tell him it’s not the right time yet.
I’m in this weird place in my life. I have one friend getting divorced and another who is engaged and just got her first apartment with her fiancé. I have a lot of friends settling down. Then there’s me, I still don’t know what I want anymore. I want something new, exciting, breathtaking, but it feels weird since I don’t have friends who have the same wants. I want to travel and see as much of the world as I can, but no one else seems to want the same. Life is a weird thing.
Finally, after a while of having a crush on this guy, I get him. Seems like it would be great, right? Instead I’m already like eh and don’t know if I really want to continue with it. This isn’t exactly the first time this has happened. It’s like I prefer the chase of someone, then that excitement ends and I wonder why I even wanted it in the first place.
I think part of it is that I really want to move next year and I’ll have to pick between him or moving and I really want that independent, living on my own in a different place feel.
This last weekend I went camping for the first time. I wasn’t sure I would like it, but it was amazing and wish it never ended.
I’m patiently waiting to find out if I got 2 different jobs at the he university I went to. It’s honestly awful waiting, this could possibly determine what I do next year.