As if having my back and neck issues hadn’t killed my summer enough, my grandmothers pacemaker has decided to die. Well, not completely yet. In a matter of days it went from being good for 4 months to it’s going to die in one month. Then of course she has to wait and get it changed, but her doctor is going to be on vacation. Thankfully she can go somewhere else and get it done sooner since by the time her doctor could do it would leave her 1 week before it would die completely. Did I add she absolutely needs it to live because she has no an node? So for now, I’m staying her. I’ve watered and weeded her garden while she sat in the shade and watched me. Cut her hair. Worked on her crafts for her churches craft fair. And there’s more to come. I can see why she’s tired all the time, she’s always doing something.
So the guy now wants to know if we should make “us” official. NO. Yes we’ve known each other a few years now, yes we’ve spent a lot of time together, but NO. We’ve only admitted how we really felt about each other a couple weeks ago and I already don’t like how this is going. I even told him I’m moving in a year, it still didn’t do anything. Yes he’s older so he’s getting ready to settle down, but I’m 22 and just getting started.
I should add that I did tell him it’s not the right time yet.
Finally, after a while of having a crush on this guy, I get him. Seems like it would be great, right? Instead I’m already like eh and don’t know if I really want to continue with it. This isn’t exactly the first time this has happened. It’s like I prefer the chase of someone, then that excitement ends and I wonder why I even wanted it in the first place.
I think part of it is that I really want to move next year and I’ll have to pick between him or moving and I really want that independent, living on my own in a different place feel.
These hot, humid days make me wish I was back in Haiti. It may be a crazy place and was one of the toughest weeks of my life, but I loved it. It is such a beautiful place and the opportunity to go came at the right time in my life.
It was nice not having the internet, all the Fresh fruit for breakfast, sitting on the roof watching the sun set, playing games with kids at the clinic I volunteered at. I probably could have done without the voodoo ceremony, but it was also interesting to see.
Basically , if I’m going to be sweating to death, I’d rather be in Haiti doing it than here.
If only I could just spend everyday at a pond floating on my huge inflatable swan like the basic bitch that I am. Sadly, adulthood prevents this, it’s really a drag. What else is a drag you ask (probably not, but I am going to share anyway)? Having a crush on a guy who doesn’t really want the future as you. I am trying to stay away, because I know the end result will be a disaster, but it is a struggle. He’s not even willing to look at jobs out of state. This is fine for him, but just proves we aren’t really a good match.
I have also begun searching for public/global health master’s programs. So far there are a few schools I like. I have also found some jobs that I like/am qualified for so I need to redo my resume.
It has also finally hit me that I graduated from college. Usually, by this time I would be working on summer classes (I took summer classes every year, along with being a full time student in the fall and spring for the last 4 years). While it feels weird to not be doing class work, I have a sense of freedom that I have longed for. I feel like a real adult, kinda.